Category Archives: humor

Can I name my new van Tonto?

Naming vehicles is silly. On the other hand, I’ve named blank sheets of paper for a long time, and occasionally make money at it. I named one ream of blank paper “Jumper.” Others pages became Belinda, Marcus, Malcom, Billy Billy Billy, The Magician who was learning electronics, Miss Pounder the exercise instructor who inadvertently taught math, Bruce the Duck who saved the day, the evil Nightsmoke, Pon, Braindead the Algebra Student, and many more. Naming things is kind of what I do. Continue reading →

Political Plagiarism

Rand Paul is upset that people caught him using lines from Wikipedia and elsewhere as if they were his own. He feels like a victim and wishes he could just duel someone to settle it all. Or spend a couple days in detention after school, but certainly not his whole career. His words, I hasten to admit. Personally, I think most of what he did was harmless and we should cut him some slack. Continue reading →

Conservative Bus Driver

The conservative movement has a tough challenge. It says “Buses are the problem. Buses are evil. All buses should be driven off a cliff.” Then it turns around and says, “OK, folks, please elect me to be your bus driver.”

The Writing Loft

I’ve been cleaning up my “loft area” with the intent of spending more time there. I call it my “loft area” but it’s really  a tiny corner of a back room/shipping area in a very old metal warehouse building that I’ve owned for a long time. Most of the building is rented out, but I keep that one area (the least desirable corner of the building) to store and ship books. Several years ago I built a raised platform out of used lumber so I could sit near the only window to write. The narrow window is near the ceiling, designed to let in light, not because anyone would ever want to savor the view of the parking lot. That platform is my “loft.”  I feel comfortable there, but haven’t used it in a long time. It turns out that crappy little spaces built of crude materials by unskilled guys do not improve with years of neglect. 

The Right to Bear Snakes

From T. Jefferson to Madison, Hamilton et al

December 26, 1787

Hey guys,

I’m still having trouble with the amendment the way you have it written. Granted, the “right to own rattlesnakes” seems harmless enough, and yes, throwing rattlesnakes at the British troops was key to overthrowing the King. History will never forget that. And yes, I can imagine a future government becoming so oppressive that we’d need to do it again. I’m the last guy who’d want to face a tyrannical government without his box of rattlesnakes. Plus there’s our tradition. We colonists have a long history of hunting with rattlesnakes as the British use falcons. Many of us love to collect snakes and find great satisfaction in cleaning them and launching them at targets. No one wants to limit our right to enjoy these simple country pleasures. Continue reading →

Three-card Romney

Mitt’s 47 percent blurtage reveals a huge and embarrassing problem. No, it’s not that he lacks empathy for voters whose cars must trudge up the stairs if they want to sleep in the upper garage. That’s old news. It’s not that he feels disdain for those of us whose greed failed to blossom the way it should have. I feel some disdain for myself too.

It’s that he might be a little dumb. Continue reading →

Has the World Moved Past Mitt?

Mitt Romney made a ton of money. That’s his big credential for becoming President. Everyone asks the fair question “how much?” (The answer is about $250 million total. His current income from investments is about $85,000. That’s $85,000 per day). But many people have made lots of money. Mel Gibson’s net worth is almost twice Mitt’s, yet I’m not sure I want him  negotiating in the Middle East. Rush Limbaugh’s net worth is $300 million– perhaps he could bring civility to Washington and end partisan gridlock. Madonna’s net worth is $650 million, Ozzy Ozbourne’s is $80 million, and Kim Kardashian’s is $35 million. Do we want any of them leading the Free World, with their trembling finger on the nuclear trigger? Continue reading →